akbar's blog

This frigging ephemeral life

December 31, 2011 By akbar Leave a Comment

On Christmas eve, I got a terrible news about my cousin. He had a fatal accident and passed away. I tried to make a plan to go to India immediately, but it was too late. There was no way I could make it to his last rites. First came the shock, then the confusion, then devastation, then anger and now its just indifference. Indifferent, numbness. I have been trying to internalize it – it’s really hard sometimes to think about life in general. I mean I think of it as if there is no ending to it. I live as if I am going to live forever and my friends and family are going to be around all the time.

Death news has only one advantage – it brings extreme focus. I have been thinking about it and I realized that all thinking about his death and how fragile life is – has made me more focussed. Focused on important things. It’s a sad way to get there but I am there. With the new year just kicking in – I have been pondering about it a lot. Thinking what I should resolve to this year? Stoics believe that if we remind ourselves of how short living is our lives often we will be more appreciative of it. Bhagavad Gita talks about how all this is just a stage and we are playing out our acts. This is what Steve Jobs was talking about when he said that he checks himself every day – what if this is my last day on Earth? I think that totally changes the perspective on life and that day.

Now I wait. I wait till we mourn. Mourning for 40 days. Thinking and re-focussing.

Filed Under: life

Ramanujam

December 25, 2011 By akbar Leave a Comment

December 22nd was Srinivasa Ramanujam‘s 125th birth anniversary. He was one of the few people whom I admired and idolized while growing up. I came across this in the Indian news paper today. Now I am pining to read his biography again – The man who knew Infinity.

Filed Under: birthdays Tagged With: birth anniversary, indian news paper

Purpose

December 16, 2011 By akbar Leave a Comment

All my years growing up, my dad always talked about how I need to find my purpose. The purpose of my life. He used to talk a lot about ‘maqsad’ == purpose. I liked it couple of times but hated it most of the time. I thought it was rhetorical. The teenager in me ignored it. When I started to work, I was happy with my life. Getting paid well and loving what I do and not to mention working with my best friends and getting drunk!

I thought I realized the purpose indirectly. But my dad didn’t see it that way. He kept talking to me about it. Now after all these years – it has me all stirred up. This thing has been on my mind since September and my visit to India last month has made me wonder am I really living the purpose of my life? I mean I am happy and content. I have the best family and friends. My work is cool and I love what I do. But there is something missing and I can’t really put my finger on it.

It’s very rare I come across people who really know what they want in life. I mean money, power etc are laudable goals but not really good enough to qualify as purposeful life. I have some friends who are leading purposeful life. They are on the path which is basically their life. And I have a lot of friends who are like me – happy, content in the moment but missing the overall purpose.

I have no idea what mine is. Dwelling heavily on philosophy and religion – gives me answer which basically says that the purpose of being born as a Human is to reach God. But I don’t know how to do that. I mean without uprooting the lifestyle I have now. Thinking in terms of work – I think of a lot of things that come close to being purpose but not good enough.

As I close my eyes to go to sleep every night, my dad’s words ring in my head. I can’t let it go. I need to figure this out and I don’t think there is an easy way other than just facing it. I really hope I find out soon, because this thing is killing me.

Filed Under: Thoughts

Why this Kolaveri Di

December 7, 2011 By akbar Leave a Comment

I know by now all Indians have posted this on their walls! But I want to remember this. This is hilarious, awesome and so catchy!

Filed Under: funny

The sorry state of Customer Support in India

December 6, 2011 By akbar Leave a Comment

Customer support for any service in India sucks. Big time. I am sure there are some exceptions, but most of the major players who run businesses there have the most crappy customer support. I know a lot of American companies use Indian companies for their call center – but I think it’s not all that good as it may sound. If you think, you calling Dell customer support sucked big time because some guy “Ray” (who probably is Raghav in real life) didn’t answer all your questions, try calling a Indian business customer service.

I think I know the reason why too. India is the only nation with more number of people under 25 yrs old. There are as many people under 25 in India as there are in US – the whole population. This means a lot of cheap labor. The kind of people you come across in customer support are the fresh graduates who are out of school and are willing to work for Rs.3000/month. They are good at reading out the instructions but that’s hardly any customer support!

I had 2 bad customer support issues while I was in India last month. I wanted to buy a 3G-to-WiFi dongle from Vodafone (a major cell service provider in India, which also owns 45% of Verizon here). I called customer support and this is how it pretty much went–

Me: Hi, I would like to know more about your MiFi device.

CS: Huh? Sir, please tell me your vodafone number.

Me: I don’t have any vodafone number, I am calling in to find out more details about your product.

CS: (Silence. This probably isn’t listed in their script. Now the person is on their own and I had an inkling that this is not going to end well)

CS: Sir, if you don’t have a vodafone number, why call no??

Me: I want to find out more details abou the MiFi device.

CS: Let me check with my manager sir.

….I wait for some time.

CS: Sir, thank you for holding. Please go to a nearby vodafone store for details.

Me: Huh? Why can’t you tell me over the phone? I just need to know the price and other details.

CS: We don’t have any details about it, you will walk to the nearest vodafone store.

Me: Hmm. That’s weird, you are the customer support for your company. Anyhow, ok can you tell me the nearest store address?

CS: Tell me your address.

(I told them my address)

CS: Sir, the nearest store address is – so and so…

Me: Can you tell me the store’s phone number, so that I can call in and check if the device is available.

CS: Sir, it is our policy not to store any phone numbers of our stores!

Me: You are kidding me. You literally meant for me to walk to the store!

CS: Yes, sir.

Me: That’s crazy, you don’t have any information about YOUR OWN product. And you don’t have the contact number for the store which MIGHT sell YOUR product.

CS: Yes, Sir.

Me: Pulling my hair (or in my case, scratching my head). I don’t believe this.

CS: Thank you for calling Vodafone.

That’s how it ended. I never got that MiFi device, because the site for vodafone was advertising it but it wasn’t being sold at all!

There was another crappy incident of how IndiGo airlines stole my camera but it’s another post.

I believe that the reason why these Indian companies can afford to have such a crappy customer support is because of such a huge population, if they lose 10 customers, they gain 10 new customers. So, they don’t have to try hard to keep the existing ones or try get new ones. There are very few operators at that level and because they don’t have the draconian 2 year contracts like US does, people always switch phone companies. It’s very normal and the customer support isn’t there to help the customer, but to just lodge complaints and do nothing about it.

This is the sad state of customer support in India. It’s prevalent everywhere, and there is nothing you can do about it. I sometimes wonder, what would happen if someone starts a customer support service firm who can help customers like Zappos does here – I wonder if that will ever give edge to companies there?

Filed Under: India, life

Hues of Memories

November 15, 2011 By akbar Leave a Comment

Finally I got access to some decent internet. For a country seeped in IT, it’s kinda ridiculous to have an easy internet connection. Better start with low expectations.

So far the trip to India has been quite wonderful. I always like how I feel when I get here the very first moments. It’s like my brain has been away from home long enough to forget about so many things. And when I get back all those memories just pounce back. When we landed it was early morning and as we drove from Airport to home – all these memories just play a beautiful sonata in my mind. “There is the place where I used to hang out”, “There is that galli where I walked every day for an year to learn Hindi through tuition”, “There is that old debilitated house where we used to live when I was a kid”, “There goes the road where I fell off my cycle and broke my teeth”

It’s a whole different set of them when I get home. Seeing my mom – makes me feel like I am home home. We have been living in this house from the past 25 years – tiny pockets of memories locked in every corner waiting to be triggered. I love all of it. Even though a lot of the house and the neighborhood has been re-arranged I can still see the old things that used to be there instead in my mind.

The feelings stay with me for a day and then my mind gets used to it. Everything is normal and it’s like I never left the house. I adapt and get my self lost in the oldness of these new feelings.

Filed Under: India, Nostalgia

Staying with that thought

November 1, 2011 By akbar Leave a Comment

Staying with the thought that emerges is a great skill. We are all great escapists. We excel at escaping that thought. Our whole lives are designed in such a way that it’s easier to deny the emerging thought and look for a new one.

Staying with the thought that comes up into consciousness requires courage. Because we never know how ugly, bad, raw that thought could be. It could break us. Just that fear is enough for us go on this never ending roller coaster chase of alternate thoughts.

Knowledge is seeking a new thought, staying with the existing thought is wisdom. Staying with that thought is being present and here and now. A lot of things we need to learn are in those that are dis-agreed, denied by us. That emerging thought is the greatest teacher. Every other teacher is a second hand version of chewed up form of that thought.

Filed Under: Insight

Horshito

October 31, 2011 By akbar Leave a Comment

I have no idea what that means. No amount of googling and playing with word lead me anywhere.

Last night I had a sliver of chance to meditate before I went to sleep and then I had this completely vivid dream. Before going to bed I did read Steve Jobs’ sister’s eulogy . I was very moved. I mean to see a complete human perspective of his last days did move me. Then I was reading a post of my friend on FB where she was talking about how Nov 4th is an auspicious day and whatever you choose to become on that day will stay with you for next 29 years. So, with these thoughts I went to sleep. I was wondering what is that I would want? Whether if I want something, would I stick to it for so many years?

Then I had a dream. It was so clear. A group of people were preparing me for some initiation. They kept saying that word – horshito – to me. They were referring to me about the teacher who is going to initiate me. They were telling me not to be weirded out by the methods used by the teacher. Then I was sitting in lotus position and the teacher is sitting in front of me. The initiation is happening. Then I see that I bought some laddus for all the people who are present. There were 192 of them.

Then I hear this shriek and I wake up only to see Sahana playing happily and trying to talk to me. It took me a while to come back to senses. 4:13AM. I tried to jot down fast what I saw. It occurred to me that the guru I saw was Indian spiritual guru – Swami Chinmayananda. I have seen this Swami’s pic before but never paid attention. Only today I learned about him in much more detail.

I have no idea what that means and more perplexingly what horshito meas. My only logic to that is – it’s Harshito in sanskrit which means joy. This sort of thing happened to me couple of years back where I got the word Ruminal Thread

Filed Under: Dreams

Books for the Travel

October 26, 2011 By akbar Leave a Comment

In a week we are starting out for a 3 week trip to India. It’s going to be hectic but awesome. A lot of things to do and a lot of responsibilities to take care of. The excitement hasn’t kicked in yet. I know, the moment I reach SFO – I would be super excited and then those 24 hours on flight. Oh my. Can’t depend on Dramamine this time, as we will have Sahana with us.

Me and Sangita usually pick a book whenever we travel. Well my obvious choice this time is – Steve Jobs biography. I think 600 pages over 20 days is good reading material. A lot has been already written about the book but somethings were interesting. Steve Jobs was influenced by Hindu philosophy and then moved to Zen buddism. He had only one book on his iPad – guess what it is? Autobiography of a Yogi! He used to read it once every year. That I didn’t expect. Who would have thunk it?

I usually carry 2nd book just in case I finish the first one. I am thinking That used to be us, but may be a little too depressing and heavy handed – especially about education in US. Sometimes it makes me wonder whether Singapore would be a good place to go back to (or wonder if I never left). They have the best education in this world (seen the TIMSS rating recently?), zero crime rate and the best of all – 4 hours away from India!

Well – if not that depressing book, I will have to find something interesting. Looking…..

Filed Under: Travel

Double barrel

October 20, 2011 By akbar Leave a Comment

The weather like this reminds me of my time in NY & NJ. Those gloomy and cold evenings. Walking back from train station to home for some warm drinks.

Nothing makes it better than some good old fashion.