Addicted to New, Obsessed with More

That is how I would describe sometimes I feel. I mean, I can start to think about million things and I can blame it on all of them for this unsettling feeling. But in the end it all comes down to taking responsibility for my own feelings and my own issues. There is this constant nagging within which basically lures me into this trap of “Newness”. It’s like I am a *bee* which just goes from one flower to flower seeking more and more and something new. I am addicted to newness. This shows up very easily as to what I do when I read news. I jump from link to link not even giving my brain a full reading opportunity. It’s like Twitter has set a internal reading limit on my brain and I can’t read anything more than 2 sentences. Boredom has become more of a habitat than a situation. Boredom has become so easy to acquire.

Then the obsession with “Moreness”. I want more and more of stuff. It could be anything. As long as it tickles my 140 char taste buds I will take it. Boredom also plays a role in this. The natural pull has become to seek new and then get bored easily and then see more new. This vicious circle has literally has me in it’s grip (there you go, I am objectifying my problem and putting it outside of me).

This is crazy. I mean sometimes I feel like I think this situation is medical – like ADD. But I don’t think that’s correct. I wasn’t like this before. It’s just one of those weird stages I am in. There is only one way to fix this – becoming aware of it and cutting the habit off. It’s hard when you have Google reader and subscribed to 4000 blogs. It’s like falling in a bottomless pit.

In addition to becoming aware of it I also need to get back to my daily meditation. I know, with a baby arriving in the next 1 week – it might sound as an impossible task to do. But I think I will take this baby step first and try. Because the other option really sucks.