I have been reading “The monk who sold his Ferrari”. I should admit, I am disturbed. I have been thinking about what the book teaches and preaches. It’s about finding the passion in our lives and living it. I have been having this nagging question in my mind since then – what am I passionate about? What is the purpose of my life? Why am I here? What gives me happiness? What drives me?

I have been asking these questions from the past 2 days. I must say, I am not happy about it. I think living life in a auto-pilot mode is more comfortable than anything else. This has been disturbing me internally. I cannot find peace in anything. The work doesn’t feel good. Talking to friends doesn’t help me. Unfortunately Sang is not here with me. I am missing her so much. Talking to her would have helped.

What and why? How? How do I know that it’s my purpose when I see it? I am really disturbed and I think it high time that I need to get back to my Morning pages. I used to write 3 pages a day everyday first thing in the morning. It helped me a lot in different ways. It was like I already know what the day is going to be like. Morning pages were like my internal mirror. It reflected what my soul was thinking or feeling. I need those pages now to figure out what my purpose is. Till then I guess I have to live with this disturbance within.

Creative Movie Reviews – An Idea

I have been reading “Wisdom of Crowds” and have been wondering how the idea of ‘Wisdom of Crowds’  would work out in a world’s most populous country of the world. One thing which is very popular in India are movies. There a hell a lot of movies that get released every Friday. I would not be surprised that India is the largest movie make in the world.

So here is an idea to combine these 3 things:

  1. Wisdom of Crowds
  2. Lot’s of population
  3. Movies

I have been a great fan of the site called Movie Mistakes. I love the idea. But in India anything about finding mistakes in movies won’t work because in the first place the whole movie is a mistake! Just kidding. But I don’t think the technical standards here are on par with Hollywood so that we can have some site which can be a watch dog for movie mistakes. So, what else can we do?

Why not use the good opinion about movies? So, here is how it’s going to work. Every week, the site would add in all the released movies that week. Some one would review the movie just like regular newspaper. But this is where it differs. Once the user logs in, he can point out the mistakes in the plot and if he/she is creative enough can propose an alternate plot line. This in turn can be voted by other users and in the end (usually after 1 week) when others have found the loop holes in the plot line – basically we would end up with almost an alternative plot line which could be actually better than the actual movie.

This would make the movie writers to get more creative as a bunch of people can get together and find loop holes in his/her story. Also, this could find hidden talent in people who can come up with more stories.

Nostalgic Thoughts

Sometimes my thought wander into past. These are very different from the usual mind chatter. These are very nostalgic and remind me of a feeling that I had long time back. When I was in US, bright mornings would push me into my nostalgic thoughts and feelings. I would think about India and wonder how I wish I want to be there. I missed the morning coffee and the news paper. I missed the shade of our house falling on the dirt road. I missed the talk of the passerbys’.

Now that I am in India, sometime I am reminded about US. Weird enough, rain reminds me of US. The way sky turns dark before rain, reminds me of my days in US. I was surprised to find that I am missing my days in US. Today I was very deeply thinking about the days me and Sang spent in Oakland. I do miss those days. Devoid of all this noise here. Those were some wonderful days spent warmly with friends. Those were some amazing discussions we had among ourselves. Those were some beautiful evenings we spent together. Those were some good old days of Rotisserie chicken and some Yellow tail wine. Those were some very good days of fun, frolic and merriment.

Today while coming back from work I was reminded of those days. I am not sure when I will get to see those days again. But I was thinking how we decided to move back to India. One thing we miss though here is – people we meet don’t have any clue as to what it means to uproot our lives and move to another place. We feel lost sometimes in the things, crowd and noise here. I was reminded that it was our decision to move here. It was a sweet decision we took after we saw in our minds how this trip to India will have permanent marks on our lives.

I look forward to days filled with blessings. I look forward to days filled with amazement. I look forward to days filled with so many stories to write about here in India. I am looking forward to new people, new places and new friends.

Fiction Virgin

I never bought or read fiction so far in my life. All the non-fiction I read has been good enough to fill my world with stories and imagination. Sangita reads a lot of both fiction and non-fiction. Off late, she has been reading very good fiction books. We talk and discuss about it all the time.

So, finally I have decided to try out fiction. I have a long list of books which Sang has recommended, but I am going to start with – Paulo Ceolho’s “The Alchemist”. I am already in love with this book. I can’t put it down. I can clearly see the book’s cover which Santiago used to read and also as a pillow. Next few months are going to be some good fiction reading for me.

The Alchemist

Admitting Ignorance

I recently hired a driver through one of the guys whom I know. The driver is a 20 year old young chap who is very active and dedicated to his job. When I asked him about his skills, he admitted he is a very good driver and has been driving for a long time in the city. I asked him to get a copy of his license and he got me a crappy copy of it where I can’t even tell whether it was him in the picture. That’s fine. I was ok with it.

Now coming to his direction and knowing the city skills – here he acts a little shady. When I asked him, does he know the city well – he responded he knows it actually very well. But as I see him driving everyday, I am surprised with the amount of knowledge he has about the city. He doesn’t know anything about the city. He doesn’t even know that when a Traffic police takes down his number it means that in future he might have to pay some “chalan”(fine). But do you think he would admit it? Nope. He would front on me that he knows everything. He is ashamed to ask me the directions. I had to direct him everyday.

The problem for me is that not that he doesn’t know about the city and directions. But he is so not willing to acknowledge his ignorance for once and get over with it. Instead he chooses to go through the painful process of getting embarrassed every day in front of me. He probably thinks that I would get rid of him if I know about his ignorance, but him lying and fronting doesn’t help his case either. It’s actually annoying to me to deal with his lies and also show him the way.

I have seen similar kind of behavior pattern in Software field. Mostly people from Indian origin (Disclaimer: I am Indian). A lot of people who have dreams of going to USA and making it big actually come to US without much experience. There by they become what we call – “The google researcher”. No, they don’t work for Google, but they use google  for all their programming needs. These guys somehow get inside the company that they know a lot about whatever the client needs. Once in, they pretend and front to be experts. Which is probably ok – considering the amount of time, money and energy they spent to get there. But what shocks me is that when I reveal their ignorance – instead of admitting it they front and lie on my face.

The most difficult thing for an Indian is to say is – “I don’t know”. As if by saying that, he/she might cause a big pain to their erudite heritage of India. Instead of admitting and getting on, they lie and keep lying at every point of their ignorance. Once admitted, ignorance doesn’t last. If I admit my ignorance, I am creating a space for learning in that space. But nope – it’s too much to take for an inflated ego to admit his ignorance.

I have worked with a friend who was a poster child for this kind of case. I would see him struggle with Javascript every day. Every frigging day! He would ask my help and in case he senses that I am getting  little restless with his ignorance, he would go and ask someone else. But to our boss he would always say that he can fix things with Javascript. This would make my boss’s job easy, but my colleague’s life was awful. He would struggle every day. I was so pissed off by his behavior that I actually gave him an electronic version of my Javascript book. Not only that, I said we will do the learning simultaneously and finish off the book in 1 month.

You would think that would change his mind. No. He refused to take my help and struggled all the time I was working there. I actually pity him. Only for once, if he could admit his ignorance and create a learning space, he would master it so fast that he would never need to ask for help from anyone. I kinda had a feeling that he liked his pain or he is just plain old moron. Some how he validated his pain with something and was ok with it. The biggest road block he himself created for him was “Admitting his ignorance”.