Sometimes it feels like I am stuck between my confirmation bias and my crazy cognitive dissonance. As I spend some regular time meditating, I get into this mode of observing what my brain is cooking up and how my behavior is affected by it. I tend to seek (as many of us) – information, things, shiny stuff – that fit my mold and agrees with me very well. I can see (sometimes) clearly how I am biased towards certain ideas, thoughts, people, places and opportunities. As I become aware of it, and as I catch myself from digging a deeper pit of my own bias – I try to straighten up and fix it.
Since the bias is prevalent in various behaviors – I choose certain bias I can change. Like try to genuinely understand Trump voters or read fiction or think of how everything around me is made up of just atoms and there is no particular divine thing. It’s a very interesting thought experiment. But this lead me to some other problem – Cognitive Dissonance. Two or more opposing ideas floating in there and confusing the hell out of me and doubt my sanity and intelligence.
Confirmation Bias feels like that warm cozy leather chair by the fireplace – where all my thoughts are dotted and ideas are crossed. I get a fuzzy feeling that the whole world is complying to my requirements. Cognitive dissonance feels like sitting by the side of a putrid smelling rotten stuff! Throws me off and makes me imbalance.
Being the Libra I am – I don’t know how else to balance these two extremities in my life. I feel like I am trapped between these two.
Recently our company woke up to a revelation that Internet browsing is affecting the productivity of the developers. Fair enough. They have every right to decide on that. But I really get annoyed how it has been handled. I go to work one day and can’t access Internet. I think may be it’s down so I send out a nice email asking if the Internet is down. The IT people confirm it is. So I do some local work and pass away my time. But later I see people accessing Internet and then I start to get emails from my team basically asking me to enable Internet for them. I am a little confused as I am under the impression that the Internet is down.
Upon checking the IT people change the tune now. The guy just comes to my computer and configures it to a proxy server. So, I had to figure it out myself that they are curtailing Internet access. There is no frigging policy on it. There is no email sent to everyone about it. It’s just on a need a to know basis. God forbid we let everyone know that we are using a proxy to use Internet. OOH.
It’s so typical of an organization. To totally mis-trust the employees and treat them as stock animals. No one complains. They just go along with IT person’s proxy setup. But everyone is secretly trying to figure out to over come it. The company is dealing with Tech people – we are not dumb nuts. Everyone has a way to circumvent it. A lot of rebel heroes are born out of no where who guide everyone else to by pass the blocks on Internet.
If you want anything to be get done, the best and surest way to do is to make the person want to do it. If you impose it secretly and then have no policy or no intimation it then it’s just going to waste more time of the employees. I personally think that if the Management had just sent an email to everyone telling them why we are having a block on Internet and why the company takes productivity seriously – then it would have been in such a positive spirit. Now it’s all about breaking the wall in front of us. Totally opposite attitude of what Management expects.
And you would think that the guys who configured proxy and blocks are bright enough. They say we have only some allowable timings for browsing. Guess what it doesn’t work! It’s a block on browsing all day and all night.
They still wonder how I get my gmail?
I have heard sometime back – “How you do anything, is how you do everything”
Today I realized how true it is. With million things going on around me right now, I realized how I handle my money is exactly how I handle my work, my relations, my conversations, my contacts and in general my whole fucking life. It’s a very shocking experience to have and right now I am really pissed off at myself for being the person I am. I am hating the roles I play in life and the fears, hesitations, shit load of emotions I carry around. Crap.
I wanna tattoo those words on me to remember them forever.