Disturbed

I have been reading “The monk who sold his Ferrari”. I should admit, I am disturbed. I have been thinking about what the book teaches and preaches. It’s about finding the passion in our lives and living it. I have been having this nagging question in my mind since then – what am I passionate about? What is the purpose of my life? Why am I here? What gives me happiness? What drives me?

I have been asking these questions from the past 2 days. I must say, I am not happy about it. I think living life in a auto-pilot mode is more comfortable than anything else. This has been disturbing me internally. I cannot find peace in anything. The work doesn’t feel good. Talking to friends doesn’t help me. Unfortunately Sang is not here with me. I am missing her so much. Talking to her would have helped.

What and why? How? How do I know that it’s my purpose when I see it? I am really disturbed and I think it high time that I need to get back to my Morning pages. I used to write 3 pages a day everyday first thing in the morning. It helped me a lot in different ways. It was like I already know what the day is going to be like. Morning pages were like my internal mirror. It reflected what my soul was thinking or feeling. I need those pages now to figure out what my purpose is. Till then I guess I have to live with this disturbance within.

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