Thinking of Swami again

This has been happening to me since I am a teenager. I don’t think I ever shared or talked about it before but when I get really drunk – I can only think of Swami. I know it’s weird and kinda bizarre. I mean how can one fathom to mix intoxication with devotion? But it turns out I sure can. Back when I was at home – my dad would talk about Swami all the time. To rebel to him I picked a side. To be a true muslim and deny Swami. I thought he is just another person and never considered about him seriously.

But the kinda of serendipitous turn of things that happened during my move to Singapore – changed everything for me. I shed all the religious thinking and adopted an open mind. Since then I have felt closer to Swami and more even so when I am frigging drunk. It’s like the more I get drunk the more futile the petri dish of this reality becomes. The more clarified becomes the fake ensamble. I get more drunk to escape it but it never works so I give up and just miss Swami. In the beginning it was weird and now after all these years I realized that I do it by default. It’s like my happy place I go to.

I really have no idea if it’s good or bad and I don’t want to find out yet but Swami I miss you and am thinking of you. This does remind me of a beautiful bhajan –

sukh ke sab saathi, dukh mein naa koi
(Everyone is a friend in happy times, no one is there in sad moments)

mere raam teraa naam yek saachaa doojaa naa koi
(Oh my Lord Ram, only your name is a true one, no other)

jiwan aani jaani chhaayaa,
(Life is full of passing shadows/ obstacles)

jhoothhi maayaa, jhoothhi kaayaa
(pretentious show of emotions , pretentious body)

fir kaahe ko saari umariyaan, paap ki gathhari dhoi
(Why then, the whole life, you have to carry the burden of sins)

naa kuchh teraa, naa kuchh meraa,
(Nothing is yours, nothing is mine)

ye jag jogiwaalaa feraa
(the world is like a circuit of devotis)

raajaa ho yaa rank sabhi kaa, ant yek saa hoi
(Whether you are a king or a beggar, the end will be the same)

baahar ki too maanti faanke,
(You live on the elms of others)

man ke bhitar kyon naa jhaake
(Why don’t you look inside you)

ujale tan par maan kiyaa,
(you looked up to the white/shining skin)

aur man ki mail naa dhoyi
(And did not bother to clean up your heart)

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