Thinking of Swami again

This has been happening to me since I am a teenager. I don’t think I ever shared or talked about it before but when I get really drunk – I can only think of Swami. I know it’s weird and kinda bizarre. I mean how can one fathom to mix intoxication with devotion? But it turns out I sure can. Back when I was at home – my dad would talk about Swami all the time. To rebel to him I picked a side. To be a true muslim and deny Swami. I thought he is just another person and never considered about him seriously.

But the kinda of serendipitous turn of things that happened during my move to Singapore – changed everything for me. I shed all the religious thinking and adopted an open mind. Since then I have felt closer to Swami and more even so when I am frigging drunk. It’s like the more I get drunk the more futile the petri dish of this reality becomes. The more clarified becomes the fake ensamble. I get more drunk to escape it but it never works so I give up and just miss Swami. In the beginning it was weird and now after all these years I realized that I do it by default. It’s like my happy place I go to.

I really have no idea if it’s good or bad and I don’t want to find out yet but Swami I miss you and am thinking of you. This does remind me of a beautiful bhajan –

sukh ke sab saathi, dukh mein naa koi
(Everyone is a friend in happy times, no one is there in sad moments)

mere raam teraa naam yek saachaa doojaa naa koi
(Oh my Lord Ram, only your name is a true one, no other)

jiwan aani jaani chhaayaa,
(Life is full of passing shadows/ obstacles)

jhoothhi maayaa, jhoothhi kaayaa
(pretentious show of emotions , pretentious body)

fir kaahe ko saari umariyaan, paap ki gathhari dhoi
(Why then, the whole life, you have to carry the burden of sins)

naa kuchh teraa, naa kuchh meraa,
(Nothing is yours, nothing is mine)

ye jag jogiwaalaa feraa
(the world is like a circuit of devotis)

raajaa ho yaa rank sabhi kaa, ant yek saa hoi
(Whether you are a king or a beggar, the end will be the same)

baahar ki too maanti faanke,
(You live on the elms of others)

man ke bhitar kyon naa jhaake
(Why don’t you look inside you)

ujale tan par maan kiyaa,
(you looked up to the white/shining skin)

aur man ki mail naa dhoyi
(And did not bother to clean up your heart)

The last time I saw Swami

The last time I saw Swami was last year in November. Whenever I visit India, I try to go to Tirupati and Puttaparthi. The year before I could only go to Tirupati. Last year it was even shorter visit. 20 days. It would be hard to go to both the places but I wanted to try. Our whole family drove to Puttaparthi and the plan was to see Swami the next day and they would come home back and I would go to Tirupati.

The next day when we went for Darshan, Swami didn’t come out. He was already on wheel chair and because of his sickness there was no darshan. We enjoyed the sumptuous North Indian vegetarian food and got back to darshan again at 3pm. This time I was sure I would have a darshan, because I was leaving that night and if I don’t see him I didn’t know when I will see him. Me, my brother-in-law and 3 year old nephew waited for Swami. Bannu was getting restless. Poor kid, how long can he just sit and wait.

I think we waited for 3 hours before Swami showed up. I was so relieved. It was the best darshan ever. Swami stayed out for everyone and then there were beautiful bhajans. Swami says that we need to come visit him to re-charge our spiritual batteries. Thats exactly what happens to me when I go see him. It was just beautiful. To see him sit there so close. I was drinking it in. As I was having the darshan, a internal dialogue started. I was telling him that how we are expecting a baby. I prayed for a healthy baby. I also mentioned that I won’t be coming back to see him for another 3 years this time. Next time I come around I will bring my daughter. Most of all, just being thankful for all the wonderful gifts he showered on me.

As the bhajans came to an end, students brought laddus as prasadam to Swami for his blessing. Swami touched the prasadam and they would start coming towards us to distribute them. I was so excited because I never got any prasadam so far in all my visits to Swami. I took mine and thanked Him.

As we got out and we heard the news that the hurricane is about to cross over to land in Chennai. It would have been impossible for me to take public transport and go to Tirupati as it was affected most. So we decided to head home and I was just happy that I had such a wonderful darshan.

I preserved the prasadam and brought it over to US for Sangita to have it – as a blessing for my baby.

Now I realize the importance of why it was the best darshan ever. Swami is no more now and the most wonderful memory of Puttaparthi for me is that evening. Thanks Swami for such a wonderful darshan. I miss you a lot. As I think of you Swami – there is only one bhajan that rings in my head.

The Right to Be in the Right

The soul will emit its blissful waves of love as long as you respond to what is right.

A right is not an act of convenience but it is an act of truth that allows your mind to return to the silence of peace.

You can receive all the wealth of the world but if you have not utilized the wealth of the soul you shall always be in thought that will lead to worry…

It does not matter how much anyone else is right toward you. You are doing the right only to return to yourself the peace you deserve.

You always know what is fully right… Your soul shall always guide you so… It is you that chooses to divert from it slightly only to receive the quick reward.

The one that argues that he is in the right exposes his fear of being slightly in the wrong.

Does it matter what another thinks of you? What matters most is how comfortable you are at every moment with your own Self…

You have the right to be in the “right”. And you have the right to give up any attachment… any desire that comes in its way…

— Seema M. Dewan, Aug 21, 2011

Mere Gurudev…

Thinking of you Swami.



My Gurudev I offer these flowers of my faith at your feet
Whatever I have, you have given to me, and I dedicate it all to you.

I have no love, nor do I know you.
I don’t even have the strength to worship you,
But this mind of mine, this body of mine,
my every atom is dedicated to you.

You are the only one in my heart and my thoughts.
You are the one who I call out to.
Now Make me your instrument…all I am I offer to you

Guru Poornima

Today is Guru Poornima.

Sankaram Sankaracharyam Kesavam Badarayanam;
Sutra-Bhashya-Kritau Vande Bhagavantau Punah Punah

I adore Lord Siva, Lord Vishnu, Bhagavan Vyasa and Sri Sankaracharya. I again and again prostrate to Sri Vyasa who wrote the Vedanta Sutras, and to Sri Sankaracharya who wrote the commentaries thereon (Guru Vandanam)

You can checkout the significance here. I also realized that Sri Sathya Sai World Youth Conference have been going on. It never occurred to me when the preparations were going on, couple of months ago in US, to attend this event as I knew that I would be in India. But now, I feel like I should have. Anyhow, I am happy that Daniel got a chance to speak and get close to Swami. 🙂

Daniel in Parthi

When you said “Yes” to Me


When you said “Yes” to Me you gave up the right to be like everyone else. That is why you draw experiences to yourself that will cleanse yourself of that which does not fit who you are. Over, and over, again, and again until I make you see that the past no longer works. I challenge you and tempt you every day with your past, so that you may see that the past is ultimate delusion.

When you said “Yes” to Me you gave Me your body, your thoughts, your actions. When they don’t suit the new you, the uncomfortableness is unbearable. It is so EVERY time until you realise this fully; then and only then will you completely give up desire. For this is the only way man will learn. Very seldom does he learn by quiet reminders. Man’s desires and pitfalls are placed there so that I may do my work. When you give up totally, then the temptations will fade. I will never give up on you. Every slip will become harder to bear and less easy to remedy. You will tire of your foolishness because I love you, and whether or not completely aware of it, you did say “Yes”.

— Sathya Sai Baba